There has been an angel in my life ever since I was 5. At least that is when I first started noticing it, was old enough to consider it, or I simply just had an imagination. In reality, I am not sure about it. It has never been creepy, uneasy or rude. The angel simply graces itself over my shoulder almost always on my right side. When it occurs, I know I am not alone. I know this so deeply that I often get upset. I don’t get sad, but I do cry. Then something amazing occurs which I have never been able to explain.
I see or hear the angel’s world. It is different than mine, much older, more conservative, yet creative. Every time it occurs, I find a new angle to view a situation or think slightly different than I would have before. Most of my blog post ideas are actually originated/made very clear during these experiences. I see a time that is variable, uneven and drastically altered compared to my current world. I see current time as very slow, so slow that I feel like I cannot move, breathe, almost as if there is an aching in my chest.
The angel is a woman. I can tell by her view. I can feel it in her disposition. Actually I have no idea if it is the same person each time, but I think it is. The first time I ran into her was like I said, around 5 years old. I frequently would wake in the middle of the night, get up, walk to the restroom and during my walk she would be there. I could feel her lining the hall until I reached my destination. I could hear her singing as I attempted to fall back asleep. She was protection to me then.
When my family would go to church, she was there, singing alongside me. It was so strong that I would cry during any singing, almost every mass. I couldn’t help it.
As I got older, I had a reoccuring dream, all the time, very consistently. A happy dream, but a non-eventful one. The dream always goes the same: my Dad and I going to the tractor store (you know a landscaping/John Deere type store) and it was located on a busy street. We would go there and while he was shopping, I would play with the toys in the window. While I am playing with one of the toy tractors, she is there, I look up and I see nothing but cars out the window as they approach the red light. I have had that same dream since middle school, at least, and I still have it today. After that dream, I wake up. There she is, the feeling, the feeling that she is watching over me.
Certain situations have occurred to me which have made me believe 100% in this angel. The Fall I moved to Philadelphia, I would often go for runs in the late morning in between waking up early to study and before heading to school for class. The Monday before Thanksgiving, I was out for a leisurely run (it was actually warm for November) and suddenly in the middle of my run there she was. She was there so strong that I had to slow down, walk, take my earphones out. I hadn’t felt her in public in a long time, therefore I had to concentrate to keep her there. I walked up to the crosswalk slowly. Not 5 minutes later, the man next to be dropped to the sidewalk, suffering from a heart attack. I walked away from the situation as a first responder, and he got carried away alive. This story is available in a previous blog post More Than Just Turkey.
If you have been following along with my posts, then you may be aware that I am currently living in South Korea. As the new environment and the hustle of new people, homes, destinations has lessened, I have started a basic daily routine. I have gotten back to myself, and life has calmed down. As I was resting before actually going to sleep, I felt something. There she was; she entered my life in Korea. She came at first very, very weak. I actually wasn’t sure if she was there or I was just tired, but I cleared my mind and relaxed. As I took a breath out, all I felt was tears gliding down my face, relief imposing on my eyes, and thoughts racing through my mind. She had found me, and I had found her, so many, many miles away. She seemed very lost at first, not as confident. I could feel the time difference, I could feel the lack of connection which existed during travel. It was hard to communicate, but I knew she had been there. As I rolled over, I saw a sticky note which the housekeeper had left. It read:
“I found you necklace – Helen” next to one of my necklaces which must have fallen from my table to the floor. Helen? Helen must be the housekeeper, the woman who tidies my room a few times a week, says hello in the morning, and who I go to if I have any issues. That was the first time I had learned her name. She is Korean and her English is okay, but the note was supposed to read “I found your necklace”.
Interestingly, my late grandmother was also named Helen. She passed away when I was five. Click, click, click, boom, world changed: there SHE is. All my life thinking I never got to know her, when in reality, she may have been with me this entire time. My parents had informed me before that I had worn a locket necklace during her funeral. After the funeral, the locket was no where to be found. It was always assumed to be lost, a family story which we made positive by saying that my grandmother’s soul had reached for the locket when I said my final goodbye. It had always been comforting to me, and now as I held the sticky note I realized why.
There are things that exist in this world which we cannot understand, nor can we explain, but always trust yourself. There are people that walk among us that may not be human, nor be ‘alive’, but always trust their purpose. There are ideas which circulate which you may not agree with, nor have any reason to believe are good hearted, but always trust that the good you do will be reflected. One way or another, the tides will turn, the yin and yang will balance, the cards will fall into your hands. If there is one thing that my angel has taught me is that coincidences are not theories, they are facts. Coincidences in your life are your brain piecing together information which you, yourself cannot quite process. Your angels do exist, just allow them to be a part of you.
-Happiness in Handfulls
Another post where I talk about our angels: An Unexpected Guest